Does it all mean a bit more?
I feel head over heels in love when I was 14. I then lost the love of my life when I was 22. I had his five month old baby in my arms when I found out. I remember getting the news at 5:00 am and thoughts of just disappearing completely seemed more feasible then doing a bottle feeding or diaper change in the next 45 minutes. I was envious that he had died and escaped the pain. It’s sick to recall this feeling.
This Valentine’s Day will mark 6 years since that fateful day. It’s hard to believe. Where does the time go? I remember thinking my life was over. I remember thinking that I done for. I remember just the total sense of loss. How could I go on? How could I ever love again? I was 22 and my life had no foreseeable future with the man I had spent most of my young life dreaming about.
After he passed away I spoke with a spiritual medium. Judge me if you must. It was an incredible experience. The medium told me that David would leave me dimes in the most random of places as his way of showing me he is with me, in my moments of joy and sadness. Today I found a few such dimes. It made me smile. Is it possible that he is doing more for me and his daughters now, than he did while he is here? Am I just a nut, or am I just hopeful that everything has more meaning than it appears on the surface?