Finding and Following the Gut

I am evolving at an exponential rate. It’s being noticed by everyone who knows me well. You might even say I am on a spiritual journey. What does the gut and spirituality have to do with one another you might ask…this article intends to connect the two. So I have been dipping my feet into the pools of meditations, natural healings, astrology and metaphysics. Conversely, I am also reading a book which denotes it all. In my opinion you can only start to become an expert when you know both sides of the argument. It all matters to me because it’s the question of my existence, so it also leads to the questions of my purpose and pathways.

Most life decisions and opinion are formed based on beliefs, values, and traditions as well as peer/family influences. People are socialized towards one way of thinking, feeling, and believing, and go with this more so than researching and choosing what works best for them. I am no different, just starting to be different. I am without a doubt influenced by my current surroundings, and as much by my experiences from the past. I can for sure say that for the first time in my life, I am totally okay with my past. I am fully in my present. I am no longer a slave to the future. I heard that post quarter life crisis, this is common. So approximately people between the ages of 25-30 often come full circle only to regenerate and rejuvenate the self and soul. This also coincides with making changes in one’s life, in careers, partnerships, and environments.

When I say I’m more lassie faire about the future and what I really mean is more relaxed on planning; I say this as a OCD planner.  I am in planning recovery. I use to plan big and small. Daily, weekly, monthly. It was like somehow that is how I made sure that there was a tomorrow and a day after that- by mapping it all out. Everything had a due date. I was planned out in my life, career, education and relationships. What are the short and long term goals and more importantly how to get there? The vision to stick to the plan excluded the learning and opportunities possible when you don’t control the process with an iron fist. I was narrowing myself without even realizing it. I use to think I was open to opportunities, but really it was only the ones that I created and executed for myself. It wasn’t real genuine opportunity seeking. It wasn’t openness to what more, or what differently could I be doing. I think removing the pressure of set plans has opened me up. I have shaved years off my goals without even planning to do so. After a career epic failure, I started working for myself and became a lot closer to completing my Masters. I developed the negatives into positives. I shed the people who were counterproductive to my evolution and got closer to the people who see the world as a shit load of untapped opportunity.

Through all of my crushing face plants in my life time, I feel like I came out smelling like freakin roses. Without even planning it or trying.  In this way I am a lot closer to a more fitting answer to the question: who am I? Maybe even just by having definite answers as to who I am not. I can’t say I honestly have the answer to this question right now, but I do know that I’m at least framing this question from a more critical, open and receiving viewpoint. Things that I planned which didn’t work happened because I needed to learn why they would not work for myself to understand who I am not, to get a sense of where I should be. The lessons in the last 5 years are steeped in tragedy, personal disappointment and all kinds of “I told you so” sort of sentiments. But I needed it all to learn for myself. I am glad I did. I won’t make the same mistakes twice. But all of my this life learning  was part of my own spiritual journey. In this I figured out what I should be doing, what I should want, how I should get there, based on views and values of myself for a change. The others who use to control my thoughts, desires and beliefs being generally just everyone else in society, the media, and people I know.  I won’t deny, I appreciate all perspectives: even the complete opposite of my own. But I need to break away from this all together and have confidence that I am fully capable to steer the ship, and I am able to make and break my own molds. Without fear and without reservation. At the end of the day my decision making in the past has been tied to emotions. Knee jerk responses. Rationalizing based on fear, worry and concern for making the best choice every time. So much pressure on myself, and always with some deluded connection to affirmation by outside influence. With such a hard wired nervous system and a busy brain, I really just needed to tune out the noise and tune into my gut. I didn’t even get it till last week when someone said the cliché to me.

I recently found mine and what do I mean by the gut? Not literally the stomach. Its that secrete place inside of you. Inside of the soul  (if you believe you have one). Where your motivation grows. The similarity to the stomach is that its feed by many, viewed by no one else, and its where the shit gets ready to hit the fan. It’s only accessible when you’re rational enough to access it. This means thinking with your mind, despite any scenario which begs your emotions, anxiety and fear responses. So in my journey and evolution, I am respecting my feminine inclinations to care, and nurture, and help but not to the detriment of my masculine rational self, which is steeped in educated guesses, hunches, and following passions towards prosperity.

Anyways the moral of the story, when it comes to evolution of the self and soul – no guts no glory.

Staying smart, brave and kind, since existence.

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About lovelytellyourmother

CEO of A-Team Inc. Smart. Brave. Kind.

Posted on May 9, 2012, in Passion and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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