Monthly Archives: April 2012

Is age really just a number when it comes to dating?

I’m humming and hahhing on this one this week. I have been asked out by 3 older men. By older I don’t mean George Clooney refined gentleman perpetual bachelor type. I mean the village locals. Maybe even old enough to be my daughter’s grandfather. I puked in my mouth a little each time.

I’m 100% positive that no Xfiles will be reactivated.  Silver lining sally says- well…hey at least someone is paying attention. But that thought quickly evaporates. The real-deal-me faces some tough questions; why is it that the sweating to the oldies are the only ones asking me out? Are guys around my own age (I’d go a decade older) intimidated by me? Or are all young men just Peter Pan wannabes? Do younger men not ask women out these days? Is it all online or in bars? Am I so far removed. Or is it just that the 3 stooges from this week, kinda just mean that most single men = creepy men. Is it just a pissing contest to see who can get the youngest woman? Is this because the naivety of the younger woman is so much more appealing, because the rest of us know better about your bad boy man behavior.  If this is so, then maybe the lesbians have a decent point to consider?

What really bothers me about it all I guess is that this same stupid concept keeps on coming up. If I have heard this once, I have heard it a 100 times (especially when I’m identified as a single parent ), “Well you’re not a bad looking girl, can’t you find an ‘uncle’ who will help you out” and “Well surely you should consider (So-and-so), he might not be a young stud but he will ‘take care of you.” This for reals, has been said to me at the EI office when I was fighting for my Mat leave, as a young single widowed mother, and later at the Employment office when I was looking for work after I graduated.  And countless other times it comes up that I am single. I am not even joking- I get odd balls comments at my kid’s school, at the grocery stores, banks, and parks from older people. Where are the mature 20 and 30 year olds? Why does society think I need a man to take care of me. I just want one to be in love with me.

But wait reverse for a second- Uncle…really…isn’t that from the movie Pretty Woman- the elevator or manager says- “Vivian I know he is not your uncle.”  Why do people just generally accept that the only way for a young single mother to make a go of it is to tango with someone half way to the geriatric unit? Why is this idea of an ‘uncle’ widely known, and why have countless people suggested it to me. Outside of those religions that have multiple marriages where you see those sweet 14 years old girls terrified to marry someone who is about to get a hip replacement- I thought it was not so widely accepted.

I started texted some of my older guys friends….saying fellas…honest to goodness…don’t even ever ask out anyone my daughters age. Why do we live in a society where men think there is no harm in asking and older woman think it’s no harm in mentioning? This is so disturbing. I’m know I am just vicious that I had a 3 peat of no teethers this week but still, it’s repulsive, offensive and makes me want to full out barf.

So what is the right age difference between dating? I’m no expert. And the decade bracket I thought I had set for myself I was under the impression it was rather liberal. As a woman, I can honestly say that I would never consider a guy who was even 5 years younger than me. I’m such an old soul. I don’t mean to discriminate against the youth to me but it’s just that I can’t possibly envision how anyone with such different generational experiences could ever have any common ground, experience or interests. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I will tempt someone reading this to comment and say that the love of their life is 20 years older younger whatever. Go ahead; I dare you to stick it to me.

What’s the appropriate age range for dating? And what is the prescription for the anti-old man date requests? I’m so past bar stars, and super past the drunk dial (I mean text). Better yet- where are the young men who are not Peter Pan wannabes and how does a lady go about getting them to ask her out.

Blog world… help me out here.

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Live now

My recent post about my car accident was deleted. After seeing it as one of the most read posts on my blog, I felt the need to remove it. I felt that the post did not accurately reflect my evolving perspective of the situation. The more I go over this thing in my mind the more I feel the need to express how precious life is. How important it is to tell people you care about them and show people you love them at every opportunity you can. Our time is so short.

All any of us ever want in this life is a human experience. Sometimes that comes with all kinds of extremes.  You can not have a human experience if your just exisiting. You need to be living. So I am changing the near death experience to near not living experience.

I am so happy to be ‘smacked’ back into life. I am happy to be alive. I am so extremely grateful for the people who have supported me right now. I know it could have been so much worse.

 

Rewind

I am not sorry that it’s over.

I am not sorry that it’s done.

You are not my hero.

My heart you have not won.

When I needed you,

You were nowhere to be found.

You took my happily ever after

And smashed it into the ground.

I am writing my own story,

It’s not a fairy tale it’s true,

But I had to start somewhere

Now that we are finally thru.

I can’t believe I was so silly.

I can’t believe I was so blind.

I wish I could go back,

And just hit a button called rewind.

I should have known better than to believe

That you could change your state of mind.

I should have listened to my friends

That said leave him behind.

So now I have learned all my lessons,

I have learned many of them twice,

Sweetly you salted all of the wounds,

That was so very nice.

I am

I am a spirit.

I am a person.

I am a woman.

I am a mother.

I am a sister.

I am a friend.

I am a daughter.

I am a student.

I am a teacher.

I am a learner.

I am a dreamer.

I am a lover.

I am a fighter.

I am a poet.

I am a poem.

I am so much more.

Five Ways of Living

1. Have the courage to live a life true to you, not the life others expect.

2. Don’t miss children’s youth and partner’s companionship by working too hard.

3. Have the courage to express feelings don’t harbor bitter resentment.

4. Put the effort in to stay in touch with friends.

5. Happiness is a choice; be happier.