Monthly Archives: February 2012

The last conversation on parenting

Public voice, or private?

It’s really hard to say.

The fine line between the two,

are more blurred every day.

Not much else can help.

Thinking I cursed myself.

Heart hanging on a shelf.

Be careful what you wish for,

more or less.

I just wanted your love.

And for you to be well.

This is not the story,

I wanted to tell.

I’m sorry baby girl.

I don’t know,

what else to say

but addiction has taken

daddy away.

He was sick.

He went missing.

He went astray,

and was found on

Valentine’s day.

I’m so sorry.

He fell upon

a final frozen gate,

meeting a selfish fate,

making all our hearts break.

Every hour begs the question;

To the rhyme or reason,

for this earthly treason.

A young future – so bright!

Unfilled.

Because you lack;

breath,

air,

life.

We have to believe

that this is all just

what was meant to be.

You are never coming back,

but we are still a family.

But still I am so alone with

my thoughts,

my baby girl-

who is the center

of my world.

Maybe after 5 years,

I am just still grieving.

And in too much of a hurry,

to bury,

the ashes, ashes, ashes.

I need you to be strong.

I need you to carry on.

You were right.

I was wrong.

But death

by addiction

is not the

end of your song.

Please be practical.

Please be wise.

Towards your disposition,

I can empathize.

I’m very sorry,

I had to leave in this way.

it was never my intentions

to die on that day.

You have time on your side,

To find the words,

 that are right,

to share with our girls

about that last night.

Don’t worry yourself

too much today,

when the time is right.

you will know

just what to say.

I’m so sorry,

it was not, a great time to go.

But please for us all

let the sorrow go.

Wishing me well,

was not a cruise,

that you

bestowed upon me.

Live your life.

Be happy.

Be free.

I love you all forever.

But I bid my farewell,

 to you my family.

You are gone,

from this physical world,

but always so alive in my heart.

The memory of you,

will never part.

Don’t worry,

I’ll figure out just what

to say.

When the darling girl

asks someday.

Thank you for saying this

tune is not the end of my song.

We will carry your love all along.

I will try to find comfort

that your pain is gone.

Rest easy now,

my ice angel.

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It is just the everyday psychos that terrify me…

The thing that terrifies me the most in life is not catastrophic events, I think that they are an inevitable bi-product of modern capitalistic driven society, or even my own mortality, this too is inevitable as far as I know, so when the time is up, hey I hope I lived a good one. Honestly what terrifies me most, is your everyday psychos.

Let’s look at my working definition of a psycho to begin with, it is a person who just does not give a shit. To my knowledge this definition is attempted in perhaps more clinical scholarly terms in books somewhere, but I don’t think that there is a certified operational definition better than the one that I just provided. The motto of the psycho, “I just don’t give a fuck.” Any psychos out there feel free to contradict this perception. Wikipedia our social encyclopedia or the Internet go-to, states that psychopathy, “is defined in different ways, but can involve a lack of empathy or remorse, false emotions, selfishness, grandiosity or deceptiveness; it can also involve impulsiveness, irritability, aggression, or inability to perceive danger.”

People who simply don’t have fear need not all be adrenaline junkies. Although I am sure many everyday psychos are. I mean if you’re not afraid of danger, have no remorse, or are not concerned with how your actions affect others, why not engage in risky behavior, in your own psycho moral court no one else matters but you. That said, I also accept that not all extreme sportsters are indeed psychos. But stay with me. A psycho driver to himself, “Screw this traffic- I am getting out of here,” proceeds towards multiple driving offences, creates immediate danger and is not afaird of the law or if fatalities occur, the psycho driver might later say, “that’s what them people get, they should have gotten out of the way,” maybe road rage is a sitcom spinoff from psychopathy.  But getting back to it, psychos have no fear of being judged by others so they simply make irrational decisions lawful or not, that go without fear of consequence. I am no evolutionary anthropologist or sociologist but I don’t need to be, to know that perception of danger has been a key to survival of human existence. For instance, caveman to cavewoman, “Argg ouuu arggg ouu arggggggg” translation don’t leave children unattended animals will eat them. In other words, be afraid of danger.

What is empathy? Why does it matter? It is different than sympathy but often gets interchangeably used in modern language. Empathy is the ability to actually imagine an others situation, disposition and their emotional responses to life events, to gain some common understanding. A conversation involving empathy, might go like this, a woman friend to another woman friend, “I am sorry for your loss. I recall when my mother passed away, I know how it feels, let me know if there is something I can do.” Alternately a sympathetic statement might look more like, “I feel so sorry for you and your family, I don’t know what I would do without my mother,” sympathy somehow encompasses pity rather than relational understanding. Both however can be valuable and needed in times of human crisis.

The great thing about empathy in my view, is that it allows us to relate to some common human experience, not in a biblical sense of do-onto-other-as-you-have-them-do-onto you or you go to hell, but more so, treat others as you wish to be treated for the sake of decency. Empathy guides our moral compasses and social consciousness and allows us to make improvements to ourselves, our lives, our workplaces and society but looking at how what we do affects others in a complex environment. It does this by very simply putting the decision making process on a continuum of the human experience. No empathy as far as I am concerned is no good.

Remorse is feeling bad about something. Maybe it was that something did not go the best way it could, say for example if you were sympathetic, and later realized that an empathetic approach might have been best. Being remorseful is recognizing you have done wrong or harm, and feeling bad about that. But the psycho’s does not know remorse, they purposely manipulate and deceive others over and over again and never stop to sit back feel bad about it- whatsoever. This is not why they do what they do but more so the how. The larger than life attitude does not have any room for reflection on if decisions made, were the best course of action for everyone involved. Psychos do what they do, and it does not matter who it affects, or how actions or inactions make others feel. For example, a stranger to another stranger, “Excuse me but you just ran over my foot with your grocery chart,” response by the psycho, “So what? Blame the foot for being in the way not me.”

There are some myths I think. Psychos are not always criminals in a regular sense, being a psychopath does not always mean you are outright violent. They are not always poverty stricken or homeless, in fact only caring about yourself, being narcissistic and carefree could arguably translate into drive, confidence, and ambition by today’s standards. Maybe all of the evil CEO’s of the world are part of a secrete psycho club? I am no conspiracy theorist. But the documentary, “The Corporation” does compare qualities of psychopathy to that the qualities inherent of an unethical company. But boardrooms aside, psychos literally could be everywhere, at the grocery stores, laundry mats, parks, and schools and so on.

If psychopathy became an epidemic we’d all be screwed. Imagine a bunch of I don’t give a fucks running around the world wreaking havoc by simply not being capable of caring for anyone but themselves, being unpredictable, irresponsible and generally misleading and self-serving.  So to have a pile of people who don’t give a shit, running around, making a muck of things really is an idea worth cause for concern in my opinion.  Consider that a utility perspective as the greatest good for the greatest number is not possible by the psycho. The only number the psycho pays mind too is numero uno. They lack a moral compass to direct their lives, and while they might not actually go out and murder someone, they will do their best to manipulate the heck out of them, thus a murder to the others self. Should we not strive for a society that promotes compassionate, thoughtful, selfless, pleasant, people who avoid harm to themselves and others, full of people who actually give a shit? Maybe that is why we have a great devide between rich and poor, and world hunger and potentail for water wars- because the world is being run my psychos.  Now do you get why I am terrified?

Being a psycho or being entangeled with one is not so, lovely tell your mother. Psychos are like assholes- life is too short and precious to waste limited time with them. Recognize the everyday psychos, and arm yourself. Your own human experience could depend on it. If you know you are a psycho, get some help. Stop hurting others with your lack of regard. Everyone is worthy of a fulfilling life that holds positive interactions with others, psycho’s included.