You are just not my type…
With New Year’s Day brought about a new me. Not in some magical way that the clock made me a different person after midnight but I used the hype to reinvent my view of myself. I am worth it.
So to start I did an early morning relationship inventory after a horrid evening. My math did not add up. For a seemingly not-hideous educated and professional person, I always sell myself short in the love department. I think many other people do as well. Maybe someone reading is too. But why?
On the very last day of the year, I found out just a bit more about myself. I need more than a superficial attraction. I need someone who I can have a conversation with. I need someone who can pick out a decent movie or stay in and play cards and drink some wine or a few beers and listen to some great music. Maybe show up for dinner on time…bring something…and shower and dress yourself..not too much to ask, right? Wrong. Apparently it was in my last relationship. On the eve of the last day of the year my partner of 6 months showed up empty handed, in joggers, and with a bad attitude. No romance for me, can you say bed before 10:00 pm?
Now I am not completely dissing being cozy around a companion, but of all nights, NYE at home is a night to live it up in or out? Bring a lill Casanova to woe your lady? Have some wine and a dance in the kitchen at the stroke of midnight? Or if you dare your joggers, you better have some junkfood and movies in hand with a big bad smile. I own outfits for events, I have not even penciled in yet. I can whip up something up sexy stylish and home-wear-worthy that’s not my two piece flannel polka dot tuxedo anytime I see the apple of my eye. This girl -right here, is prepared. I can dress for success whenever the occasion calls for it for many reasons. Mostly because it’s one of the oldest forms of self-expression, furthermore it helps me feel good about myself and that helps me feel overall confidence. Who doesn’t want a confident, assertive, and well groomed person by their side?
Having studied persuasion, I have this ability to talk myself into believing or rejecting just about anything I set my mind on. But I should not have too when it comes to my mate and neither should anyone else. When we try to manipulate the image of our other when we tell others about it (weather we are venting or boasting) we need to be as honest as we can be. No persuasion required. I mean who wants to gush to the women in their lives; “He showed up late, under-dressed and without liquor, chocolate or …anything to show for himself”.
Actually I started writing this before my advanced communications theory class last night, and my quintessential brilliant yet slightly crazy prof put it this way… we offer our narratives about our others as tragedy, comedies, romantic and something else I can’t yet decipher from my sparse bullet points (who wants to write when you’re trying to observe brilliance? When I started dating him it was romantic…when things went up and down (this happened often) it was like a tragedy, and now in hindsight it was a comedy. I mean I can’t believe that I actually entertained the idea of a life with someone who thinks NYE attire is jogging pants? When I reflect on this fact, I find myself asking the bigger question; what this is the best combination of similarity and difference in mates?
At least in the beginning year, it should be interesting, engaging, and mutually beneficial- and no I am not talking about my next PR initiative- I’m talking about taking dating to the next level with someone you could share a life with. It should be natural and easy and not so much work in the start. Its about enjoying getting to know each other and making quality time to make it last over time that takes the real work. Partners should bring out the best and encourage you. So remember if the ‘other’ is not lovely tell your mother…. ladies keep reminding ourselves; we are worth it. The difference between alone and lonely could be the difference in your happy ever after.